Things A Klingon Programmer Would Say
Top 12 Things A Klingon Programmer Would Say
12. Specifications are for the weak and timid!
11. This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual
processors if I am to do battle with this code!
10. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you’ve read
it in the original Klingon.
9. Indentation?! — I will show you how to indent
when I indent your skull!
8. What is this talk of ‚release‘? Klingons do not make
software ‚releases‘. Our software ‚escapes‘ leaving a blood.
trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake
7. Klingon function calls do not have ‚parameters‘ — they
have ‚arguments‘ — and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
6. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software
does not coddle the weak.
5. I have challenged the entire quality assurance
team to a Bat-Leth contest. They will not concern us again.
4. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
3. By filing this SPR you have challenged the honor
of my family. Prepare to die!
2. You question the worthiness of my code? I should
kill you where you stand!
1. Our users will know fear and cower before our software.
Ship it! Ship it, and let them flee like the dogs they are!